how does that go again? i am not capable of inventing it?
fat chance!
what is invention?
monday past was the birthday of a good friend of mine living in germany, a place that he also happened to have been born in. thanks to the reminder on my electronic calendar i could give him a call on that day. we did the updating-thing on each other's lives, loves and overall continued issues of being alive. things have sort of calmed down on his side -- at least in comparison with how they were in march when he had visited me and we spent a glorious day just taking turns listening to each other.
my brother would call this mood i am in mania. my therapist, doesn't call it such, but then i forgot to ask what she calls it. monday was a breakthrough day in therapy. disruption of routine and preconceived notions occurred. today is the tuesday that follows that monday and i woke up with a lousy sore throat and not feeling like getting up or facing the day light. my fucked up feelings are starting to get boring!
i went back to bed after having breakfast and read a bit, dozed off and now an half hour later i feel anxious. i read disturbing material or the noise that the construction workers are making around in the garden is bothering me. i do not wish to see anybody right now, for a few moments anyhow. the monk is one hell of a bitch on occasions!
let me make this plain to you, enlightenment is not all that it is raked up to be. to begin with there are lots of people out there claiming monopoly on enlightenment and they are as enlightened as any monotheist can be, that is, not very. yes, it is not what it is raked up to be, it is the greedy rake-off of dark intellectualism. enlightenment is a bunch of crap in our day and age. you can read all sorts of self-help books on how to attain it, countless gurus will gladly collect your money and promise you that they know what enlightenment is that you too can achieved it provided you are a good soul. by the way, drugs can help here. anything that gets you out of your mind will help, drugs and insanity included. you may have to pay for the drugs, but the bit about insanity comes for free.
now, have i crossed the line? of yes, i have crossed the line. i have dared to step on the other side of the puddle of un-conscientiousness and it scared the living daylights out of me. sort of, or rather, it was a good thing that i got a good scare. nothing like the adrenaline surge of a good scare to get me going.
my life is a wonderful invention. i promise nothing.
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