My fondest and clearest encounter with masks is within the work of James Ensor, a Belgian painter. Some of his paintings portray people in society wearing masks, and what masks!!! It is one of the strongest, bluntest criticisms I have ever seen in the visual arts.
My denial thing is really a state of shock. Right now it is just a rather strong suspicion that what has been making me so tired for the last couple of weeks is an allergy to spelt. Tired is not the only symptom, but... This is boring as hell, but it affects me deeply because it affects my well being rather directly. I spent more than 10 years in denial of my food allergies, finally broke down, realized that all denial got me was a tumor that had to be removed surgically, a lot of discomfort, and finally changed my diet radically by eliminating all the stuff I am allergic to (wheat, eggs, cow's milk, apples, lemons). Since then I regained my vitality and well being, and wondered how on earth I survived all those years with such reduced energy levels, and that the damage was not worse. Finally, finally... I had mastered the art of baking bread with spelt flour... (I am picky about what kind of food I eat in terms of quality and flavour) and in the past few weeks I have eaten more bread (spelt) than I had for quite some time (years). Except that my skin is going nuts, one of the signs of my wheat allergy is that awful itch that has me wanting to get out of my own skin, and the tiredness... It is all back, and so far what I have changed about my diet is only that I have taken in quite a bit more of spelt. Unfortunately spelt is a relative of wheat. An allergy or intolerance to wheat does not mean one to spelt, but it can. This is not gluten intolerance. So I am pissed at my own physiology right now. That, and the fact that this is going to have me go through a battery of tests once more and the long issuing discussions with my physician. I find the information on the internet on this totally disinforming, since from one site to the next there will be a lot of contradiction while each one is trying to ply its own merchandise. I may have to hit the scientific literature myself, and I hate to have to do that. I don't know why... but you get the idea. This phase is called denial and there is one whole lot of anxiety about it. In the back of my mind I ask myself, what next? What else will I not be able to eat next?
Perhaps I could use a good mask right now!
(this ranting above was only meant to ease any possible concern about what it might be that has me in a state of denial, and at the same time i needed to vent it out of my system)
