i wake up, and it is morning again
i wonder, how did this all come to be...
there is a time when all prose fails me, and i want to write more than ever then.
i welcome what comes into my life:
the arrivals,
the departures,
the affluence,
the well-being,
the pain,
the joy,
the suffering,
the love.
then i stop. i think of war. i think of men killing men. i think of women killing women. i think of them killing each other.
i think of Friedrich Nietzsche, i remember that he said that insanity in individuals is something rare, but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. it makes me wonder...
as the year comes to a close, i find myself looking back and trying to take stock. the whole thing of being in love or what on earth that might be, had me in check most of the year. how can that be, i ask myself?
yesterday, a friend of mine called to wish me a good year. when i got off the phone, i remarked to my son "now, there is one faithful man!" at each corner of my life, there seems to be very many kind and loving people. yesterday, besides taking care of some very urgent administrative details, i did no serious work, i am enjoying the company and tending to the close of the year ceremonies that include a few outings with the various groups that i work or am involved with, and quite a bit of administration. it was in the afternoon that i got a very unexpected email from a most kind soul. awesome, not awesome, miraculous. sometimes i know when my wonderful ego has to let out a jagged edge, and sometimes i let it indulge in showing its ugly face. knowledge is seldom good counsel.
this season, the season of the winter solstice, the season that i prefer to spend in the persian gulf, the season during which i tend to be much too critical of european culture, and i, inspite of all my prejudices and resistance, get bestowed with the most wonderful gifts. "how lucky can i be?" that was song sung at the beach last january, wasn't it?
earlier today i was in tears with laughter: my son and i try to figure out how a playstation2 works on this system at the house of a friend. i get bored with any video game, and he is one mean multiplayer gamer. my myopic son left his gasses in california and the optometrist does not have the new ones ready yet, i am helpless with a joy-stick controller. we tried to race each other, he couldn't see the screen on the far wall, i could see but it did not help, it was wall to wall driving. we were both rolling on the floor. these are precious moments in one's existence, when nothing makes sense, nothing matters, you are just glad to be alive and be here. you had to be there, it was beautiful.
after our foray with the playstation i invited him for a bier at the tramdepot, it was noon time, however we hardly ever eat at "normal" meal times. i had, of all things, a christmas bier, and he had something also dark while he read the newspaper and i played with the camera. yes, this is unusual, i do not drink much bier, even less in the winter. i think i know why, now i m really sleepy and my brain feels like mush. it could be that this is indeed the reality part of the show.
mother: can i invite you for a bier?
son: sure!
mother: i missed my chance to pervert a minor, you are no longer a minor
son: well... i just changed my mind about that bier
mother: ok, let's turn around
son: nah!
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mother: i just never drink so early in the day...
son: never too late to start a bad habit!
falling in love, being in love, loving life itself. what does it mean?
