a flirting that you are hiding in plain sight. i remember when my most trusted friend from the LA days, now living in Chicago, would tell me that i put out so much noise, that the brilliant signal was hard to detect, unless you had a lock-in attenuator to filter out the noise. not an amplifier, the signal was loud and clear too, just the noise was even louder. filter the noise out, the signal is clear and to not overpower you, you need to attenuate it.
there is a pattern here, and i will get back to this later.
first, 2005:i have plans to go to Rome, Tokyo, and London. i have been invited so far to go to Barcelona -- or somewhere else in Spain, that I can not quite remember -- and Porto in Portugal. i have threatened my good friend in Yemen to go to Cairo. i do not count the trips to Milano, Geneva, Strasbourg, Paris, Brussels, Zurich or Frankfurt, since they are so close by, nor do i count the shuttle missions between the Algarve and Switzerland. i remember telling myself that one reason i quit jetting around as a strategist was because i got tired of... jetting around. so, what on earth am i planning here? where is the noise, what is the signal here?
second, what has made 2004 a year to remember?was it being in Trafal quite a lot? was it the great company in Quarteira? was it being again in Istanbul? was it standing on the edges of international diplomacy? or was it finally just giving in, and having the courage to say "this, i want!" ?
the year was full, of again jetting around, and discovering wifi in all sorts of airports, having surprises and being surprised. the family picnic in Amman, Jordan comes to mind, it was June, and it was starting to get hot, but to be in the middle of a discussion about "da Vinci's code" in arabic, totally blew my mind. goodbye and farewell to many a prejudice about surgeons, ministers and university professors. housewives and architects no longer surprise me, they are capable of anything.
if there is only one experience from 2004 that i get to keep, than it must be the one about the flirt in the south of France. here life was out to teach me a lesson, and the lesson was not about falling on my nose and learn through pain, the lesson was a loving lesson, a generous one.
imagine, here you are being yourself, your usual self, worried about technicalities and issues central to what you have chosen to do in life, but you remain true to yourself, you see a pretty face, a pleasant smile, and without trying you are flirting. you are flirting, it is a reflex, and about one hundred people are around, some notice it, some do not. later you receive a letter, it is not a love letter, it is not a declaration, it is also a note, here is who i am, i am this way. you wonder who wrote the letter and it is then clear to you. there is nothing to do. two egos have caressed each other. you, both, were just being yourselves, not trying. not doing. the magic is perfect, there is absolutely nothing to do.
what a contrast that was from the lectures and the justifications, the apologies unearned, the drama of it all that so much marked the "last love of my life." last night i had a rather good chat with a long time friend who lives in Rome, we passed review on the last year, and it did me a whole lot of good. i forget so easily.
word imagery, yes... the most powerful brushes are alphabetical. i am left wondering, sometimes i just do not feel like indulging my curiosity. smile.
