the atelier, der schreibstube, the back office, the office, the back room... this is where i am now, this where i work. every morning after my soyaccino and zazen or jogging, i enter this room, turn on the lights and sit at the desk. on some days i can not wait to begin with the work, on other days i would rather go back to the jogging path along the river and run away until my body gives out under the imperative of madness.
she said form, he said hesitation, and ever since i have been wondering on how on earth i am going to tell a story that is deep inside me, a story that is violent and tragic, a story that is by all measures not personal, a story that touches me, a story that is aching to be told. i started in november writing something else, for the life of me, that one just did not want to be, i fell into a deep blue funk from which i was to free myself one sunday while observing that hesitation that he had pointed out to me. i went back to another project, that too needs some more ripening.
i am in a cave, it is my cave, it is here, it is now. nothing is going according to plan. if anything would have gone according to plan i would now not be here.
