the day went by too fast. after a visit with one of my most intimate friends, i returned home on tuesday evening to give in to an impulse. click by click i sailed, and by midnight i felt that it is liberating to give up on the excuses and do that that i want to do. do it now. stop thinking. perhaps the time was wrong, and indeed getting up on wednesday morning was a forced action. i was graciously rewarded, my morning was pure joy. what is reward? what did my reward consist of?
it could be that my own reward consisted of nothing else than the fact that i declared it to be so.
i am plowing much too slowly through the pending items, yet i am plowing. patience is not a skill that i possess. patience is a skill not a virtue. while i can work on acquiring a skill, i am lost when it comes to acquiring a virtue. my choice is simple, this is my world, i call that characteristic that endows and seem to favour some humans more than others, and that we often refer to as patience, a skill.
if there is an expression for my mood today, it is happily confused. confused and happily do go together. i personally do not believe in happiness, do not really know what it is, and yet days like today have moments that i can only describe as happily confused. the pursuit of happiness is to me, futile. why would i pursue a non-existent chimera called happiness? i would have to believe in it first, wouldn't i? well, i don't. go eat your muesli, bitch to your bosom buddy, and this is how i see my fucking world!
it was around 4 pm at the bus stop when a disheveled woman addressed me with the preface that she wants to ask a stupid question. she wanted to know if the shops close at 4 pm on wednesday. i look at her in astonishment. that is by far not what i would call a stupid question, but then the poor soul could not necessarily be blamed for suffering from poor self-esteem or lack of self-confidence. i greatly appreciated her efforts at being polite and considerate of the stranger that i was to her. confused as she seemed, i loved her very presence. now, there it was wednesday before easter and i had totally forgotten those christians usages of making holidays out of friday and monday around easter. rats! i have myself a few groceries to get, and i certainly was still thinking that i would go to training on friday and then stop by at the migros at the train station to get the items that i need to take on the trip on saturday. by the way, it is on thursday before easter that the shops and banks close at 4 pm. the migros at the train station has extended hours. progress in switzerland is made patiently. twenty years ago, there were no shops open outside of the very strict shop hours. i still do not know of a 24-hour supermarket anywhere around here, but well, i am not sure that that is an absolute necessity.
there is no use in telephoning me... the song goes, and last night i gave my paradise in italy a call and we found ourselves in a most technical conversation about beef which had me on the verge of unbound laughter... loyalty and serenity can have the strangest expressions.
to cut a long story short, i am offline until the 22 of april.
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