and i say i am gullible?
it seems that the path just began, and she had warned me of it! (this is a heavy code note to myself, shall i ever forget what i remember now or at least have the illusion of understanding)
contrary to popular belief i am living in switzerland. i could say that i am trapped here, or i could look at it in a more effortless and empowering way. i also could never tell where freedom really resides, or on which side of the cage is better. there are cages, they have a perimeter that defines two sides of the equation, but which one is better? must one be better?
here i am, contrary not only to popular belief, but also to anything i ever imagined possible; i am in switzerland. i still miss the ocean and my dreams remain unchanged, still the details as to where i pay my taxes remain rather mundane and unimportant on the grand scale of things. the grand scale of things must be that power that that other got a small taste of and had him run as fast as possible away from me, while the clueless me tried to figure out what on earth had i done wrong. it has been both an humbling experience and an extraordinary fortune to be alive and waking up during the last three years. thanks to all who have chosen to, or haphazardly share this insignificant and adventuresome existence on earth, i am not alone. i mean, i think we are on earth, but on some days i have my doubts.
in the last two weeks i did not once leave switzerland, however i feel like i took one long trip somewhere and that i discovered precious and far away treasures that i had imagined being out of reach. the celebration of the expansion of my horizons took place on saturday when a colleague and i ended up on a drive around the hills in lausanne. during this drive i got motion sickness and quite a few opportunities to shoot the landscape onto the digital camera's memory card. motion sickness in itself is something very new to me, i did not use to get it, however in the last couple of years unless i am behind the wheel on a mountainous road, it gets me; i just do not like nausea, it makes me wish that i was dead and would not feel. wishing to be dead and not feel is perhaps a good reminder on how much human nature has it ingrained in its core that escape is an option. it is sometimes, not all the times. feelings and nausea do have something in common, most people that i know just do not cope well with either and i have spent a whole lifetime trying to understand and get under the latter.
it could also be that the long trip inside switzerland and my being was well pollinated by the events and experiences in the alsace just a month ago -- although it feels like a long long time since then -- and it could be that indeed it was time travel. if anything, it feels like i went from the past into the present, and the present, the here and now, is exactly the place where i want to be. or did it start in barcelona when i found myself besides my being at a bar chatting trivia and photography with the italian bartender?
who am i?
where am i?
what am i doing?
thanks sensei!
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